Doubt

Doubt - to be uncertain about or question. That is the definition of the word doubt.

The past month I have experienced a lot of this all to familiar word "doubt", and I wish I could say I was alone. I know many others that struggle with that word as well, yet in many different contexts.

I started reading an unexpected book. It was unexpected because I had been praying about what God wanted me to read, and I thought I knew where he was directing me. The online search began and all I found was a German translation, uh... that won't work. Then I realized I bet we have some at the church office, it had been used for a previous study and surely there was left over copies. I searched the office for the book, the particular one I was looking for was no where to be found. Scanning one more time in hopes that it was just misplaced, there was another book that seemed to scream out to me or stand out like a BOLD font. The title of the book was "God's Leading -  7 ways to know God is Leading You" by R.E. Clark. Not a famous author, not a best seller, not even in bookstores. I had heard about R.E. Clark through our pastor and knew he was a great preacher and theologian. BUT, why would God be directing me to this type of book, that is not even around the same concept that I thought He was leading me to previously. I thought I was looking for a Psalm 23 books on comfort in trouble times, hope in the mist of pain, and answers to my questions. Why this book? As my thoughts raced to find reasoning...I do let God lead my life, I know God leads my life, why would I need this book. Determined this was NOT the book intended for me I decided to read the back just to confirm my thought process. As I began to read the first line my heart stopped... "Your life's journey can be filled with many questions."

Ok God, I get it! This is the book I am suppose to read! (This was my God slap! I always say that God has a way of slapping me the face when He wants me to know something. Some people call it different things like God sightings, a nudge from God, etc. I call it a slap, because it takes a slap to get my attention sometimes. The word slap is not intended to be negative, it is a positive for me, because I know when God does this it is meant to get my full attention.)

As I refocused from the jolt of the slap,  I continued to read the back cover. Each bullet that I read resonated in my heart and created a hunger to know more about what God wanted to tell me.
"You will find:

• Strength for the journey
• Answers to your questions
• Order for a busy life
• Light for a darkened path
• Courage in the face of trails
• A friend in times of trouble
• A song for your heart

I have already learned so much from reading the book and that will have to be another blog. For now though I will leave you with my BIGGEST take away from this experience....

The times my life is in DOUBT, is the times that I am trying to lead myself. 

Let God Lead!

Bitter Sweet

Bitter Sweet is what today has been.
That term "bitter sweet" has always seemed odd to me, how can something be bitter and sweet all at the same time. It seems to defy logic and understanding that you can have two very opposite things happening at the same time.
How did God create such elaborate emotions that you can fill the utmost joy and the utmost pain all at the same time? It seems like your heart can split right down the middle!
Death to me is bitter sweet...
You can't help feel bitter when you lose someone you love. You long to be able to pick up the phone and call them, but you can't.. You long to give them a warm embrace one last time and remember the smell and the moment, but you can't.. You long to look them in the eyes and let them know how much you love them, but you can't.. You long to hear them say in their individual accent and tone that they love you, but they can't..You long to hold their hand and be comforted by their touch, but you can't..
We take these moments for granted when our loved ones are alive and miss them so much when they are gone? They are not regrets just things that we long to continue to experience with the ones we love. We want to continue to make memories, continue to share stories, continue to love and be loved, but we can't - at least not here on earth. 
That is where the sweetness begins...
The sweetness is knowing they will never be in pain again, never.. Knowing they will never be sad or afraid again, never.. Knowing they will never grow old again, never.. Knowing they are reunited with the ones they love that went before them, for eternity.. Knowing that God has prepared a place for them, for eternity.. Knowing this is what they wanted more than anything - to see Jesus face to face, to live with Him, for eternity..
Knowing this is not our eternal home makes the sweetness out way the bitter. This life is just a blink of an eye compared to eternity.
Does knowing that make the sadness go away, no! We are sad because we want them here with us. Is that wrong, I don't believe so...  It is okay to be sad and to long for those moments, yet always looking and waiting for that day when we will be reunited in heaven.
June Irene Wooten, a wonderful grandma that I loved with all my heart went to be with The Lord on Monday.  I KNOW that was the greatest day of her life, and I know there was a big smile on her face. I will miss her until I see her again one glorious day.